Jay's Distorted World

Saturday, June 28, 2008

I wanted to...

I wanted to blog all week, wanted to talk about the nigger awards but decided many bloggers had talked about those awards, even if I didn't agree with most of them. The shit was very niggerish and the majority of the singers who attempted to sing sounded worst than hot shit smells. I wanted to blog about another bloggers ignorant and contradictory post on homosexuality. Wanted to blast him for his views that don't match up with his life, but who am I to judge? Those were his views, valid and real for him, hell maybe I was wrong on the subject (I'm not but lets say I am for agruement sake...lol). Wanted to blog about the celtics win, lakers lose and whether or not paula, oops, I mean paul gasol had to pay to stand and watch the game, but its been two weeks so why bring up the collapse of the lakers and the rise of the celtics. I wanted to blog about this notion that I'm hot tempered and irrational. Wanted to see if there was a reason people who know me think I'm going to flip out if they share something that went on while I was absent. I think I'm a rational person and handle most situations like a mature and rational adult. I wanted to blog about my sister and our relationship. Wanted to share with everyone that we haven't gotten closer as we planned but our relationship is still distant and unfair at times. I wanted to blog about my need to move out, forgo plans of saving up for my living room set so I could escape my current situation, but figured I would have to read a whole bunch of comments that would mean nothing to me. I wanted to blog about the loose mouth faggots running off at the mouth in secret about shit that they don't get/understand, but assume they know everything because they are secretly reading blogs (sidebar- I have nothing against our normal ghost readers, but some bitches are reading parts of shit and reporting shit back as if they got the full fucking story), but figured I shouldn't post about that because lets face it, I would have to give these pussys more credit than they deserve. I wanted to blog about so much but....but I'm blogging from my fucking phone and this shit is hurting my eyes. My sister did something to her fucking computer so I can't reach blogger, aint that some shit. LMAO

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Back at work, bored, thinking and shocked

Today is my third day back at work and I'm still not doing anything. I did make it into one training class but for the most part I have been chillin since most of my log ins for our systems don't work or have not been re-instated yet. Hell, I'm not doing any work until they work on my time card system. So basically I've been at work doing nothing. This is not what I want to do but I guess I'm getting eased back into the bullshit of work.

During my first day of work I spent the majority of the day chatting with my (Internet) little brother who lives in Maine. I love him like he was my own biological brother and when we do speak I always leave feeling good and motivated to do more with my life. During our most recent conversation I was shocked to hear about his new (not really new, just a clarification on an assumption I made) relationship. I was taken aback a little and it really got me to thinking. Since my near death experience, I've decided to try to get rid of all the "I don'ts" and "I won'ts" out of my life and just take people and experiences as they come, flaws and all, but he added a twist I was not even prepared for (I will get to all of that later). He is moving shortly and I think for my birthday I'm going to visit him. It will be the first time we would meet face to face even though we've known each other for almost 10 years now. Its crazy to think in ten years we have gone through so much, both have grown and traveled but never once met in person. I love that boy and I'm not shy about it at all. He is actually the first feminine guy I befriended and the first guy I knew personally who has dressed in drag and it not be Halloween, but even through all of that, it never changed how I felt about him. So, yeah, I'm thinking/planning my trip while doing nothing at work. I may go by myself but that's no big deal for me, even though I will be traveling to a state where he will be the only person I know. I will keep you guys posted.

Ok, the purpose of this blog was to ask my readers a couple of questions. As stated above, my little brother and I had a long conversation, a conversation in which he shared things that I didn't know or just assumed incorrectly that got me to thinking. So let me ask you, what would you do.

Assuming we are all HIV negative (don't know every one's status nor do I care to know, I'm not sleeping with you), would you date some that you knew was HIV positive? Second part of this question can be broken up in two parts. 2a) If you were in a ten year relationship, would/could you invite a third person into the relationship (we are not talking about a sidepiece, we are talking about three people in one relationship)? 2b) Would you allow that third party in your relationship if they were HIV positive and both you and your current partner are negative?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Confused

I should be happy right now, should be looking forward to what is next in life, but I'm not. I'm stuck thinking about the what ifs, stuck thinking about the rational decision rather than making the right one, stuck fighting myself and my beliefs. *deep breathe*

I've wanted to be with someone for a long time, wanted to experience the ups and downs of a relationship, but I just haven't been able to find that one person to share my life with. I would come close, run once the reality of the situation became less than perfect, found a way to sabatoge every possibility. Now, after a roller coaster of a week I'm left confused. I just dont know what to do with myself. The rational decision is right in front of me, it is clear as day but I'm sure I would be making that choice for all of the wrong reasons. Then there is the wrong choice. I want to be with someone that gets me, that understands what I want. I want to be with that person that knows how to piss me off and make me smile with no effort. I found him, but can't have him. What am I supposed to do? Life has made our situation complicated and damn near impossible, but I can't help but want to spend my remaining seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and/or years with him. I want to fall in love again with someone else, but each day I find myself falling in love with him all over again. I want to remain his friend, just one of the boys, I want to move on with what is left of my life, but we keep finding our way back to each other. My brain wants to choose the rational choice, a guy that is perfect and would make someone very happy. But I stand at the crossroad of life, ready to sit and wait for death to take me so I don't have to make a decision.

I need to get up and do something, need to clear my head. I want a drink but will settle for a sign.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Sleepy, long, rambling, random post

I have a lot on my mind, some of the issues I have have worked them selves out but I still need to get these thoughts out of my head.

On Wednesday I went to court for my nephew, while there I realized a few things.
1. Kids no longer are ashamed of breaking the law. These little motherfuckers were high fiving each other in the waiting room as if it was the first day of school and they were seeing each other for the first time after an exciting summer. They bragged about what they had done and their knowledge of the legal system. I wanted to throw up.
2. Parents get mad at the wrong people. Most of the parents were upset that things were taking so long, ok they were, but as i told several of them, if your child wasn't in trouble you would still be in bed. It is not the courts fault there had to be over 100 cases in family court at 9am in the morning because so many kids wanted to show their ass.
3. My nephews sperm donor is a fucking idiot. He wanted to be a father to my nephew after being a drive-by-dad at best for the first 17 and a half years of his life, only to realize its not easy raising a teenage boy, especially one that is very rebellious. My nephew is a handful, I will admit that, but he refuses to question my nephew because he doesn't want to upset him, what the fuck!
(Ok, I shortened this first part of the post because as I was typing it, it was 2 pages and I didn't want to re-read it, so why would I do that to someone else?)

My sister and I talked for almost the entire trip there and back (about 5 hours total) as if we hadn't talked in years. I love my sister and generally talk to her briefly at least once a week. We talked about the men in our life, childhood issues we had (even though we have gone down that road), and the events at court. I love my sister and our relationship. While talking about my nephew and his "father," I had to point out that I thought she was wrong to bash him in front of my nephew even though we all shared the same view on him. I mean, those two (my sister and nephew) were going off at the hotel about how stupid he (my nephews father) is. She agreed with me and said she was trying.

I was supposed to spend time with the husband on Wednesday. His best friend was hosting /giving a lecture and we were going to go in support, but messing around with my sister and nephew, I didn't get home until the event was over. I informed him way before the event began so he would have time to plan his course of action. We hadn't agreed to meet up after, so when I got home I texted him if he wanted to do something. I was tired, working on only four hours of sleep, a little cranky, so I probably should have just called it a night, but I felt bad since we had plans and I canceled them. I got a slick message back from him that kind of added to my already bad mood and I responded with a very hurtful text. I wasn't going to apologize for what I said because it was not a lie, but it was definitely something that should not have been said or texted. Despite having an attitude with me, he still came over my house. He stated that it was to see my mother and play cards with her. We drove to pick my mother up something to eat, the ride to the store was silent. I'm not sure if we said anything to one another the entire trip. he got out of the car at one point to get chap stick and left me in the car. He was noticeably upset/unhappy which hurts me in the worst way. He knows this and it was his way of getting back at me. This is probably what our problem is...my mouth is horrible and I cut deep sometimes, which is something that hurts him greatly. I hate to see someone I love unhappy, especially when I'm the cause, regardless if I'm in the right, it hurts me. So Wednesday, we hurt each other. We still played cards with my mother and later another friend of ours came over and we played another hand (sidebar- phase 10 is a hot game).

Thursday Tony was still not speaking to me. He and my mother went to costco while I was with my new niece (that little girl slept the entire time I was there, I don't know where she gets that laziness from...lol). The three of us were supposed to play cards again but my mother claimed she was tired (I think she and Tony planned to give us some alone time to talk), then my sister came over and the four of us talked (actually my sister talked, we laughed) until the game (NBA finals) came on. We ended the night on a good note, left the events of Wednesday behind us.

Brief sports note: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE LAKERS? HOW DO YOU BLOW A 20 POINT LEAD? BOSTON IS A GOOD TEAM BUT DAMN, THE THIRD AND FOURTH QUARTERS THEY WERE LIKE VIRGINS THAT COULDN'T FIND THE HOLE, HELL A VIRGIN WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AT LEAST FINISH!

I was reading someone else's blog the other day and they posed a good question: what do you do when you have fallen for someone but you are unsure of their feelings? It got me to thinking about my current situation. I keep saying I want to be in a relationship before my birthday but I have been dragging my feet. But why? Life is why. I'm a little gun shy, just can't pull the trigger. My past is holding me back, mistakes that have been made by me and others are forcing me to over think my decision instead of just going with it and seeing what happens. It has very little to do with the people that have approached me, my exs or friends, its really me and my life that is holding me back, but isn't that the case for most people? Oh well, it will happen in due time, just hope the "one" doesn't get tired of waiting and runs off.

Ok, I'm exhausted and most of this is not going to make much sense to anyone but me so I"m going to end this. I might re-blog one day on some of the things touched on here once I get some rest, but I can't sleep with all these thoughts running around. Goodnight

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

HEAT

Ok, I'm going to start this blog off with a rant. For those of you that are offended by cursing, you may want to hit that back button now, because it is about to get raw...

I hate this fucking heat and all of you people that sat around during the winter praying for the summer to get here can take your ass right to hell. This shit is unbearable. Why is it so fucking humid and hot this week? Its the end of the fucking world. I can't breath, literally. Where is my 60 and 70 degree weather. Its not even getting that cool at night, what kind of shit is that. No, I'm not one of these complaining assholes who cry for summer during the winter and cry for the winter during the summer, I want there to be only two seasons...fall and winter. That's it. I'm moving, I don't have time for this shit!

Ok, I think I feel a little better now, I'm about to put some ice cubes in the tub (hopefully they make it to the bathroom), fill the tub up with cold water and sit in the tub until the water begins to boil (guess I'll be out in 5 minutes). Until next time...Fuck the Heat! Fuck the Humidity! and Fuck the Summer!!!!!!

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Monday, June 09, 2008

Package Deal

I'm a big fan of the sitcom Will & Grace, so while watching this weekend a question came in my mind. Grace's ex boyfriend, Danny, came back in her life briefly and left us with a look into Will and Grace's relationship as a parting shot at the two. Simply put he stated, "when you date Grace, you date Will and Grace..." That led me to this simple question with three different views/outlooks, what do you do in this situation? I mean, Danny was dating Grace, didn't really care for Will. Will is Grace's best friend and doesn't like Danny. Grace loves both her best friend and her man. What to do? For me the answer seems simple, but I know I'm normally the person with the conflicting views.

On one hand, I believe that Grace should do everything to keep the two separate. Sure, as an adult, Will can and would be respectful of Grace's boyfriend despite his feelings but why put him in the position to be around someone he knowingly doesn't care for. On those same lines, why put your (wo)man in the position to be around someone they are not comfortable around or who you know that doesn't really care for them? Just seems like a simple solution. However, Grace has the problem that those are the two people closest to her and wants to share equal amounts of time with them. ...Nope can't think about her side, there are 24 hours in a day (even number), 2 other people (even number), work it out if you don't want to short change anyone...lol.

So, what to do when there is a package deal? Having had this conversation with someone I'm talking to already and my best friend and I going through a similar situation, I think it is safe to say that I would avoid conflict. The two shall only cross when it is necessary for both to be around (birthday dinners and other special occasions), conversations concerning the other won't happen (unless its to bash them...I mean really, it can be fun and therapeutic...lol). I'm waiting on your response (yes, even you lurkers out there can respond anonymously, I don't mind).

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Sunday, June 08, 2008

Straight Eyes (short post)

It has been brought to my attention that sometimes I am a little too straight minded for my own good. I constantly complain about not being hit on in public or non-gay affairs, I don't think I'm gorgeous or even a dime, I don't have a nice body or an ass that will make you cry, but I don't think I look bad, yet it always seems I never get the occasional attention while on the train (ok, I know I only get on the train like once a year but damn can I get a look then), at the mall or the supermarket. I have to sit through stories from this friend and that one about being hit on while on the bus, supermarket or hell even taking out the damn garbage. While at church on Thursday, one of the preachers was acting very friendly toward me, I paid it no mind, figured it was because I hadn't been to church in awhile and haven't seen him since I got out of the hospital. He stated that I looked good more than once, I blushed a little because it is always good to hear that someone thinks you look good, but once again, I figured he was talking about compared to how I looked the last time he saw me. At the end of service he waited by the stairs and asked for my number so we could "keep in touch." At first I thought nothing of it, he is a pastor and that's what they do. He texted me later: "it was really good seeing you at church today, you really look good." Odd. Now the wheels in my head began to turn and I thought he was doing more than just being a good pastor. I reached out to O to get his opinion since he had been at church with me that day. I was shocked to find out that he had gotten the gay vibe long before I had. Apparently, I look at things through straight eyes sometimes (not his exact words but what I got from it). I know I have the worst gaydar of any gay male I know, hell, my straight brother and his girlfriend can pick out a gay male before I can, but have there been times when someone has hit on me and I just didn't see it? Conversations I have had with "straight" guys about sports, were they more than just friendly chatter to kill time? Now I have to re-evaluate my conversations with co-workers, high school acquaintances and other strangers and figure out had I missed something.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

My week so far...

Its almost the end of another work week and I'm not going to bore the majority of you with talk of upcoming sporting events that will consume most of my time, but just know this upfront, NBA finals begin today and I will be in front of a television watching the game and my phone conversations will be limited to sports talk (not necessarily limited to basketball, but sports in general). With the end of the week and so much that has happen so far I found it very difficult to get a full nights sleep in, so I decided to blog a little, but where to begin?

Monday did not go as I had planned. I wanted to spend the day in bed or on the couch, in short, I wanted to rest, I had a busy and entertaining weekend, so I needed to relax. I figured I would get up early and deposit my check in the bank (sidebar- why can't we have direct deposit on disability checks in this state? I mean really, if I'm too sick to work do you really think I want to go to the damn bank?) so I could pay my rent on time and not worry about overdrawing my account once my car note was automatically taken from my account. with that out of the way early I figured I would rest. Well, the husband had other plans. We went to the mall after he tutored his sister and changed his clothes from work. I managed not to spend any money at the mall even though there was a pair of sneakers I wanted on sale. We then went to the city for dinner. There is a small diner like restaurant in the village that I like that we went to. I still don't know the name of the place even though I have been there countless times. We found a parking spot in front of the restaurant, which for New York, was amazing. We enjoyed a small dinner outside, nothing special, just enjoying each other's company, simple, the way I like it. We were going to meet some of his friends at the Village Underground for live music later, so instead of waiting there for his friends to get to the city we decided to walk to the pier. It was at the pier that we got a shock to our relationship as well as a good laugh. It was time to walk to the Village Underground (I wanted to walk, it really wasn't too far, but he really wanted to drive), we were talking and laughing, basically in our own world, no physically contact, just laughing when a guy yelled out, "nice sneakers." Tony turned and said thank you, innocent right? Well, the guy turns to his friends and says, "see there is a nice man, must people don't speak anymore, even when they are being complimented." His friends agreed and I thought that was going to be it, but then we hear, "you hold on to him, you have a good man there! Seriously, you found yourself a good man." I turned and said thank you, Tony looked at me and we tried everything not to laugh. Wow, do we really act like a couple? The Village Underground was great. Professional, semi-Professional and amateur singers sung along with a live band. Diversity was definitely apart of the decor, everyone type of person was represented in this spot. I had a good time and a little upset at myself that it has taken me so long to enjoy an event there. It won't be my last.

Tuesday was supposed to be another day of rest that didn't happen. I really didn't sleep well, waking up every 15 minutes or so it seemed, so when my mother opened the door to check on me at a quarter to 2pm I was a little shocked that it was so late. I threw on some clothes and went food shopping. The house was looking empty and I couldn't find anything to eat or cook and for a not so small brother that is a problem...lol. It was hot outside and even hotter outside so I really wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone, especially since I really didn't sleep through the night. I unpacked the bags once I got home as quickly as I could so I didn't have to worry about anyone wanting to help (ok, I didn't want my mother helping because then she would want to talk and it was too hot for that shit today). After unpacking food, I made something to eat and sat downstairs with my brother and his girlfriend. I almost couldn't eat, she was in pain and it hurt me to see her like that. I love her like a sister and really enjoy her company and the last couple of days of her pregnancy were brutal. She went from walking around and playing with the dog to being posted on the couch in pain in the matter of two days. I wanted my niece to just come out so she could feel some relief and the heat in the house was not helping at all. She decided to go home and shower, feeling like the baby would come shortly and not wanting to be sticky once she got to the emergency room (I'm not going to say anything but really, who does that? LOL). I ended up going out to dinner with a friend. It was cool, nothing special, just good conversation about raising kids and making life commitments, you know...adult stuff. On my way to pick up O I get a text letting me know that my niece has finally graced us with her presence. I was so excited but our first meeting would have to wait since she waited until after visiting hours to pop her head out...lol. I went to spend sometime with another friend after dropping O off (O was on the way and I didn't want him walking home late at night so i offered to get him. I'm sure his stubborn ass would have taken a bus and been walking around Newark had I not offered but since I was going that way what would be the point?).

Wednesday started off weird. I had a very sick dream that I will not blog about in fear that someone will call the cops on me or try to have me committed to a Psychiatric hospital, just know that my dream did not involve any minors. I jumped up took a quick shower and headed to the hospital to see my new niece. O came along with me but unfortunately he was unable to come up and see the baby and the new mommy. My niece is/was in the Intensive Care Unit, she's ok but she was undergoing treatment for some disorder that escapes me right now. Liyah, my brother's girlfriend, wasn't in the company mood so she didn't want to see O even though she loves him (sometimes I think she likes him more than me). I did get a chance to see the little angel and she was as white as her parents (lol) with nice full straight hair. I got home, cooked something to eat (i thought it was for lunch but turned out to be my dinner) and then the events of the last 5 days took its toll on my body, I crashed on the couch. Tony stopped by and interrupted my sleep for a hot minute, he said he just wanted to see me. I get to his car and he is wearing my three favorite colors (loved the shirt he was wearing), he reached in the backseat, smiled and said, "I just wanted to give you this even though you wouldn't bring me anything to eat (he asked me to bring him something to eat while I was cooking for myself)," he handed me a bag of chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies, my favorite. I was too tired to smile but made sure I texted him later to convey my thanks and appreciation, especially since my sister was supposed to pick me up some and didn't. Back to the couch for so more rest, woke up to hit the treadmill and shower before calling it an early night.

Ok, so I have rambled on and on about my week so far, pretty much typed as if I was talking, oh well, it's my blog and I can do what I want...lol. This weekend is supposed to be very hot and I want to go to somebody's pool but I'm not comfortable with taking off my shirt just yet (hate the scar n my chest, it reminds me of everything I try to forget) so I will probably fight with my mother and keep the air on in the House all weekend (I'm convinced this chick enjoys passing out due to the heat because this house has been at least 85 degrees all week and she refuses to keep the central air on). I think I 'm about to clean my room so until next time...

Sunday, June 01, 2008

My Weekend

I'm happy to report that I had another glowing weekend. The perfect weekend being spent with just one amazing guy is no longer tops on my list, but spending the weekend with amazing conversation, laughs and welcome surprises is definitely my perfection right now. This weekend definitely fit and it came at a time when I felt blue almost all week.

Friday began slowly as most of my friends do have jobs, my mother was home and my bank account didn't allow for much spontaneity. My check came in the mail which was a shock since it was actually on time, I opened the letter and realized it was more than I was expecting. It wasn't an "Oh My God" amount, but it was still enough money to get gas in my car and with current gas prices the way they are that's saying a lot. It was too late to deposit the check (ok, it wasn't too late, I was just unmotivated and didn't shower yet, I mean really, why do anything before 2pm?) so I wanted to plan my day. I wanted to go to the mall to pick up some lotion and do a little shopping even though I really didn't have any money. The person I really wanted to go with doesn't drive and I didn't want to drive across town to pick someone up and then back across town to the mall, only to drive them across town once the evening was over, so I hit up my husband (Tony). I figured that I couldn't predict my mood and he was one of a very short list of people that could handle me when I'm throwing a childish temper tantrum, so he would be perfect. I showered, did some running around in the blazing heat while I waited for him to get himself ready. He took longer than he stated but I wasn't as annoyed as I normally would have been. We made it to the mall and realized we made a bad choice of malls, we did some sight seeing, picked up my lotion and headed to another mall to do our clothes shopping. I really enjoy his company and must admit his friendship is probably the biggest reason that I am still single today, he gives me everything I want in a mate other than the sexual contact.

After the mall we decided to get something to eat since we both hadn't eaten and became very bitchy. We picked up his friend and headed to Chili's for a quick bite to eat (I wanted to see the game so we needed to go somewhere they had TVs or get take out, there was no budging on that) before going bowling. Over dinner and while watching a good game 6 between the Boston Celtics, your new Eastern Conference Champions and the Detroit Pistons, we discussed the role of some of the prominent Bishops, Prophets and speakers on the Christian circuit. Church has become big business again and it is a disheartening to hear those who have or claim to have a calling from God manipulate the system to increase their bank accounts and expand on their overall wealth. The night ended on a sour note for Tony and bowling didn't work out since we spent too much time talking over dinner, but it was after midnight so who could complain?

Upon entering my house, my mother was up and seemed to be in a good mood, suddenly she started to walk through the house complaining about every little thing. I was already planning on leaving to visit a friend I was neglecting after I read the post I just wrote so she sped the process up. We watched a movie and I fell asleep, my body was worn out from the heat and all the driving I had been doing. The night/morning ended well and it was a race back home to get ready for Saturday with 'A' and Mike.

'A' decided to surprise us to an evening out, a "just because," thing. The plan was we needed to meet at Mike's house at 3:30pm and we would go from there, no other plans would be shared. 2:30pm I get a text asking if I could be ready by 4pm and 'A' would pick me up from home, no problem I said since I was still on schedule to be ready and at Mike's by 3:30pm. 3:30pm I get a text saying we are running late be there at 4:30pm. At a quarter after 5pm 'A' and Mike arrive at my home, upset because things didn't go as planned for a rental car they had planned on getting, but whatever. I didn't have an attitude, I was hungry but definitely in good spirits. We picked up the fourth member of our trip and headed to Atlantic City, NJ. During the more than two hour trip I slept. No one was really talking so I wanted to get some much needed sleep in. We get there and the surprise of the evening is revealed, 'A' treated us all to the Alicia Keys concert featuring Ne-yo and Jordan Sparks. I am not big on the girls but seeing Ne-yo was a big deal for me. I am in love with that man (don't care how anyone feels about his looks, style or music, you can go to hell...lmao). Ms. Sparks can sing but she is boring! The older people around us were getting restless while I searched for something to end my life with as she sang dull song after another. Had that been apollo half the crowd would have been sleep while the other half would have been booing. I mean you can sing a love song and not put people to sleep, damn I needed a bottle. Alicia Keys put on a good show but her voice isn't for me. I won't go into the negatives but she definitely put on a show even though she doesn't really do all the new dance stuff and moves like she is in her mid 40s and not 20s.

We ate dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe after the concert. The other restaurants in the Taj MaHal were either closed or the lines were crazy. I hadn't eaten all day so McDonald's would have done but no one else wanted to waste a trip to Atlantic City on food that could be brought just around the corner from our houses, understood. I mean who really travels over an hour and a half to eat food they could have just 10 or 15 minutes away from their home? We laughed and talked about nothing in particular, just enjoyed each other's company. Other than talking about the bipolar couple one table over I don't remember what we talked about, but I know there wasn't a quiet moment until the food came out...lol. The drive home seemed longer than the drive there but it was cool, my phone held up and I was able to talk to some friends while singing along with 'A' and the radio.

It is Sunday now, I want to call it a weekend, want to just relax but we will see what the weekend holds. Hope everyone had an interesting weekend.