Back at work, bored, thinking and shocked
Today is my third day back at work and I'm still not doing anything. I did make it into one training class but for the most part I have been chillin since most of my log ins for our systems don't work or have not been re-instated yet. Hell, I'm not doing any work until they work on my time card system. So basically I've been at work doing nothing. This is not what I want to do but I guess I'm getting eased back into the bullshit of work.
During my first day of work I spent the majority of the day chatting with my (Internet) little brother who lives in Maine. I love him like he was my own biological brother and when we do speak I always leave feeling good and motivated to do more with my life. During our most recent conversation I was shocked to hear about his new (not really new, just a clarification on an assumption I made) relationship. I was taken aback a little and it really got me to thinking. Since my near death experience, I've decided to try to get rid of all the "I don'ts" and "I won'ts" out of my life and just take people and experiences as they come, flaws and all, but he added a twist I was not even prepared for (I will get to all of that later). He is moving shortly and I think for my birthday I'm going to visit him. It will be the first time we would meet face to face even though we've known each other for almost 10 years now. Its crazy to think in ten years we have gone through so much, both have grown and traveled but never once met in person. I love that boy and I'm not shy about it at all. He is actually the first feminine guy I befriended and the first guy I knew personally who has dressed in drag and it not be Halloween, but even through all of that, it never changed how I felt about him. So, yeah, I'm thinking/planning my trip while doing nothing at work. I may go by myself but that's no big deal for me, even though I will be traveling to a state where he will be the only person I know. I will keep you guys posted.
Ok, the purpose of this blog was to ask my readers a couple of questions. As stated above, my little brother and I had a long conversation, a conversation in which he shared things that I didn't know or just assumed incorrectly that got me to thinking. So let me ask you, what would you do.
Assuming we are all HIV negative (don't know every one's status nor do I care to know, I'm not sleeping with you), would you date some that you knew was HIV positive? Second part of this question can be broken up in two parts. 2a) If you were in a ten year relationship, would/could you invite a third person into the relationship (we are not talking about a sidepiece, we are talking about three people in one relationship)? 2b) Would you allow that third party in your relationship if they were HIV positive and both you and your current partner are negative?
During my first day of work I spent the majority of the day chatting with my (Internet) little brother who lives in Maine. I love him like he was my own biological brother and when we do speak I always leave feeling good and motivated to do more with my life. During our most recent conversation I was shocked to hear about his new (not really new, just a clarification on an assumption I made) relationship. I was taken aback a little and it really got me to thinking. Since my near death experience, I've decided to try to get rid of all the "I don'ts" and "I won'ts" out of my life and just take people and experiences as they come, flaws and all, but he added a twist I was not even prepared for (I will get to all of that later). He is moving shortly and I think for my birthday I'm going to visit him. It will be the first time we would meet face to face even though we've known each other for almost 10 years now. Its crazy to think in ten years we have gone through so much, both have grown and traveled but never once met in person. I love that boy and I'm not shy about it at all. He is actually the first feminine guy I befriended and the first guy I knew personally who has dressed in drag and it not be Halloween, but even through all of that, it never changed how I felt about him. So, yeah, I'm thinking/planning my trip while doing nothing at work. I may go by myself but that's no big deal for me, even though I will be traveling to a state where he will be the only person I know. I will keep you guys posted.
Ok, the purpose of this blog was to ask my readers a couple of questions. As stated above, my little brother and I had a long conversation, a conversation in which he shared things that I didn't know or just assumed incorrectly that got me to thinking. So let me ask you, what would you do.
Assuming we are all HIV negative (don't know every one's status nor do I care to know, I'm not sleeping with you), would you date some that you knew was HIV positive? Second part of this question can be broken up in two parts. 2a) If you were in a ten year relationship, would/could you invite a third person into the relationship (we are not talking about a sidepiece, we are talking about three people in one relationship)? 2b) Would you allow that third party in your relationship if they were HIV positive and both you and your current partner are negative?
posted by Jay at
9:27 AM
19 Comments:
Interesting. I can only imagine this conversation.
~Damnit!
By
bLaQ~n~MiLD, at 10:10 AM
ok this was my reaction hen I read this post, WHAT? lol now on to the answers!
1. I would have to say that it would not matter to me. Positive people need loving to. There are times when I change my answer, because of the fear of the transmission, but then I get over the fear.
2a. my freaky ass would definitely add someone in! I live the idea of that type of relationship. I have never thought about that before. I think it would be cool to have a 3way relationship!
2b. I would be on the fence on this one. It would have to be a decision made between the two of us. I would be open to it I would not do it unless my partner wanted it as well.
By
fuzzy, at 11:21 AM
Funny how I come right after this one...
1. I have always treated all my relationships as if they were positive. Actually maybe knowing would give me no excuse to always be safe.
2. Wow 10 years. hmmm. I think the first couple of years no, but after 10 years, I don't know, maybe... More hands to clean the house!
3. Umm, hmmm. Well I would be nervous I guess, especially since the relationship was based off being negative, but it would really depend on a need for a third person actually!
Why do I need a third person again? LOL.
By
ShawnQt, at 11:52 AM
1)yes. i've never really been afraid to deal with someone who was positive. maybe it is a naive part of myself , and some may be shocked to hear this , but for some reason I just never bothered to worry myself about catching the virus. not that i don't use condoms, but that deep fear that most people seems to have just never took hold of me. I think that watching my great grandmother take care of her husband in all of his sickness 'til he passed and then watching my grandparents take care of her until she passed, sort of deadended me to that fear of my own mortality in a way. I think even if I were to catch the virus, i'd be more concerned about how other people will treat me, than worried about my health.
2)I think establshing and maintaining a HEALTHY relationship with one person is difficult enough. I am a witness that longevity does not make a relationship healthy; that relationship could just be held together by two stubborn, insecure, crazy ass people who are stuck in their ways and used to each other. However, if I were a stable person in a healthy relationship and there is a mutual desire between my partner and I to include a third person, then, yes, I would be comfortable with doig so. I personally believe that there are sometimes desires or even needs that a person may experience that cannot be met by their mate , regardless of how ideal that person is. Some people are complicated and simply have a lot of requirements, whether they admit it, or are even aware of it, or not. Those can be met by the third person while keeping intact the preexisting relationship. I will use a carnal example but I want to make it clear that sexual needs are NOT the only or even the primary needs, to which i was referring. That said, there can exist a great relationship between two vers tops. Now, while each may be willing to submit to the other, neither is completely comfortable with giving up the booty on a regular basis. I think that it is perfectly ok to include a bottom in the relationship. *shrug* but that's just me.
including someone who is positive, for me, would be fine. there are precautions to be taken. that's all. Other than that, the real question is how capable are my partner and I , who are settled into one another, of breaking in a new member to our bond of love?? The process could prove a bit tumultuous...but then that goes back to the question of emotional, mental and spiritual health in the relationship prior to the acquisition of the third person. jealousy, possessiveness, dishonesty,selfishness, impatience and other such immature and unhealthy ways are ingredients for ruin between two people and catastrophe among three.
just my opinion.
By
Omar Ramon, at 12:00 PM
1.) Speaking totally transparently, I would not be able to get into a relationship with someone who was positive. There are too many factors that mentally I am not ready for. I understand that precautions must be taken, and would be taken, but the risk is still there. What if while in intercourse the condom breaks? How do you move one KNOWING that you are probably infected EVEN though you protected yourself? Not saying that people who say they are negative are negative, or dont cheat and become positive and never tell, but in my crazy mind, there is just an addes risk entering into a situation like that. There are so many other factors that I cant even get into for timesake.
2a.) I dont think that I would allow another person into the relationship...WHY DO THAT? Thats added expenses, added attitudes, and added trouble. Then, you said after 10 years? So the 2 that were together for 10 years are just supposed to let someone in to their personal space, personal lives? Thats not fair to the 3rd wheel...i mean person. I dont even think that I would have a threesome while in a relationship because someone is going to be upset, and I know it wouldnt be me. But I think adding another person into a relationship is just asking for trouble on so many sides. To me thats just DUMB! Like why? I know I couldnt do it and for anyone that can, is, or has...Please email me on the side and let me know how you handle this. Maye I need to open my eyes more.
2b.) Being that i wouldnt want to add another negative person, nor would I be able to date a positive person, I think you have my answer to this one.
~I really hope no one is offended by my answers/comments. These are just my feelings and opinions.~
By
Thoughts, at 12:04 PM
1. My mother was HIV positive so in my mind, if I can live with someone who had the virus, then I can date them. As crazy as it sounds, that fear of death left me as I watched her go through the motions of being positive.
2. My answer is no, not because of their status, but because I'm a pretty conservative person.
3. Same as the answer above.
By
Jersey Brotha, at 5:31 PM
Assuming we are all HIV negative, would you date some that you knew was HIV positive?
Yes, and I have. Did it bother me? Nope not at all. I know that is the ideal answer, but that's me speaking truthfully. I have to admit that I am scared of the unknown, but I'm up on my HIV education and for that reason, I wouldn't be reserved.
2a) If you were in a ten year relationship, would/could you invite a third person into the relationship (we are not talking about a sidepiece, we are talking about three people in one relationship)?
I don't think so. I am not very conservative, but this is way outside the box to me. I've never been in a relationship and invited someone else in just as a hook-up or for a 3some. I guess I'm just selfish.
2b) Would you allow that third party in your relationship if they were HIV positive and both you and your current partner are negative?
There wouldn't be a third person. If I was able to step outside the box and experiment, then their HIV status wouldn't have any bearing on if I'd allow them into my circle of love and trust
By
Acoustic Soul, at 6:28 AM
Assuming we are all HIV negative (don't know every one's status nor do I care to know, I'm not sleeping with you), would you date some that you knew was HIV positive?
I have dated someone who was HIV+, its a scary feeling, I felt limited to what I could do with them sexually. Its too much to deal with mentally. The thought of me catching the virus just drove me insane. I wouldn't do it again tho thats for sure.
2a) If you were in a ten year relationship, would/could you invite a third person into the relationship (we are not talking about a sidepiece, we are talking about three people in one relationship)?
I say NO because when im with someone , I want them all to myself. even if our relationship is secure. I still couldn't involve someone else in our relationship. It just seems weird and would be very very awkward.
Would you allow that third party in your relationship if they were HIV positive and both you and your current partner are negative?
Hell to the motherfuckn NO. I just couldnt. No matter how safe y'all play, the person could be the most geniune down the earth person you could know, but the issue at hand is wat goes on in the bedroom. I'm a freak and whoever Im with has to be a freak and like I stated b4 I would feel limited and if me an my mate both got tested and were strickly monogamous and we're comfortable having unprotected sex then we would have to start using condoms again and ..... yea NAH just wouldnt be able to do it.
Good Post Jay
X
By
Promiscuous X, at 7:19 AM
I have dated someone that was HIV positive, but when they found out, it didnt last long. The person I was dating ended it because they wanted time to themselves in order to deal. Would i do it again, not sure.
Thats a no on a third person in the relationship(HIV positive or negative) cuz im selfish. Also if im not enough, u stupid as hell!!
By
Anonymous, at 12:04 PM
I guess I should answer my own questions:
1. Simple answer is yes. I've struggled with my answer, gone back and forth but bottom line is I want to be loved. We/I put so much weight into someones status that we forget there are other diseases and in the name of just protecting ourselves, it really shouldn't matter. After talking with friends with the disease and doing my own research, I discovered that the risk of getting HIV while performing oral sex is not sigificant unless you swallowing a liter of cum, truth be told I'm not that thirsty. We are so hung up on our dos and donts we may miss out on the love of our life and right now that's who I'm looking for. I would want my mate to be open with me and themselves, so if that means they have herpes, crabs, HIV, be a bottom, fem etc., I just want there to be open communication and room for growth. Hell, we are all going to die, whether it be from HIV or a freak heartache, its going to happen, why not die with someone that loves you for you by your side?
2. As open minded as I want to be right now I can't see myself in a relationship with 2 other people. It is a challenge at times controling my attitude and dealing with one other person, to add a second might be dangerous to all involved. Personally I think bringing in a permanent third member into a relationship is worse than one member cheating once...hell who sleeps next to who at night? Who gets the first kiss? The last? What happens to our annivarsey once we let the third person in?
2b) if I was open to a third person, and I'm not, it wouldn't matter to me if the third person was positive or not because there would have to already be a strong connection there that would lead me to even think about the possibility.
By
Jay, at 3:18 PM
Interesting question.
1. Right now, no - I wouldn't date an HIV person. I look at it as a health risk. I liken it to being in an abuseful relationship. Doesn't mean I'd shy away or not befriend someone who's HIV positive, but in regards to deep intimacy, I wouldn't.
Although, now that I'm thinking about it, I've never come across that situation. So, love is a motherfucker - I do know that much - so, you know what? Who knows at this point. I totally didn't answer your question, did I?
2. If I were in a 10 year relationship - I probably wouldn't invite someone in. It just would seem weird I think.
3. Since I'm not allowing him in - guess I can't answer this, right? LOL
Great questions though!
By
Darius T. Williams, at 6:08 AM
nice blog; found it thru promiscuous X spot. :)
By
Anonymous, at 10:13 PM
well I don't think I would date someone positive! I think thats too much of a cocktail of mixing going on! I certainly can get behind having a third in the mix! Not if they are positive!
By
Ailed LittleKnight, at 6:06 PM
Intersesting comments from everyone. Hmmm to each is own
By
Promiscuous X, at 12:36 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
By
Promiscuous X, at 12:36 PM
1. Yes i Would Date some who is positive. Why not they could be my soulmate.
2a. I wouldnt invite a 3rd party into my relationship, wtf why are they there lol im selfish my man is mine and mine alone
2b. Obvious no not because of their status just because ... NO lol
BTW MR. Leo this is your ... lol for 6/24/08:
Things may not be crystal clear when it comes to matters of the heart. But that's half the fun. If you could predict future relationships would you ever go out of the house again?
You should ponder over this :-D
By
Anonymous, at 8:35 PM
Well if u was to ask me this like a year ago i would have said that i would neva date or talk to someone who was positive but at my stage in life i am comfortable with it because they are people too.
Now as far as the 3 person relationship thing hell no lol i am to selfish to do that
By
Trackstar, at 7:00 PM
putting the hiv thing aside.. if you need to bring in a third party to add to your relationship or to spice up the sex... that "relationship" may exist in your mind but in real life it is really over !
now for the hiv issue: some people think that hiv is more like a chronic disease than a terminal illness, but on an actuarial basis those who have it will die sooner than those who do not. are you ready to handle the loss?
By
ponoono, at 7:36 PM
So with your logic ponoono, we shouldn't date someone older than we are because they will probably die before us?
By
Jay, at 6:25 AM
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