Love Lost

I've come to terms with why I'm single. *sigh* I was out today with a friend of mine, just enjoying his company, laughing and being myself and it hit me, among all the cute guys that walked by, in the crowd of possibilities laid the answer to why I am still single and haven't been on a real date in awhile. The answer hit me as fast as I had hit the ignore button on the phone call that came in, faster than the instant message I responded to and quicker than I ignored the last text message that came through on my sidekick. I'm single because I tend to put my friends before a possibility. By the time I'm ready to commit to someone its too late and I have done everything to push them away. *ugh* This is my life and I'm dealing with it. I realize I need to find a balance between my friends and "dates" but I just haven't figured out the right balance for me yet. Right now I think I don't really want to put my all into someone because I'm still not working and wouldn't be able to give to that person like I want (ok, I realize most comments will center around me giving time, but I want to bring more than just time to the table. Hell, time is all I've asked from some of my other dates or boyfriends in the past and I paid, but that's just it, I've paid. I want to be in the position to spoil someone the way I want to be spoiled.) so I'm shying away some. June is approaching, I'll be working again, maybe things will change. Maybe someone will understand me and stick it out until I"m ready. But until then I will continue to be happy with me.

I hope to post again this weekend, maybe sunday, about other things that have been going on recently but I have to run now. Sorry for the long run on paragraph...it happens. Enjoy your weekend