blah blah blah relationship talk from my phone

The weather has been simply amazing these last couple of days. Cool and sunny or cool and gloomy, either way I love it. These are the days I love. Days in the fall when the tress are changing colors, a light jacket or sweater is all that is needed to stroll around the park, nights laying next to that special person watching nothing on tv while talking about bullshit. Its spring in NJ and mother nature is feeling fall right now. But like mother nature, I need to let go of fall and spring foward to something new.

I don't want to make any more changes to myself in fear that the complete me will show out. I feel like jean grey sometimes, feel like I'm in a constant fight with myself to hold down the dark Phoenix within. I come off as an asshole or jerk sometimes because I am very opinionated and don't like to back down when I feel as though I'm right, however, the true wrath of my mouth and views are rarely seen or heard. But anyway, I ran off subject, let me go back. I want to be in a relationship and I think to do that I need to start over rather than look to the comfort of loves once had. Must of my reader are aware of the story of 'A' (not going over it again), we are cool, definitely want him in my life but as he and I have discussed a relationship between us won't happen, which I'm ok with. Then there is Tony. I've known, dated, messed around with Tony long before there was an 'A' and he is still around. Love him to death, but right now a relationship with him can't work, but like 'A' I want him in my life as a friend. I say that almost to remind myself that I can't have them, but also to move forward. Its easy to keep running back to that which is comfortable and known. Don't get it twisted, if the right situation presented itself with either of them and I'm still single, there will be a post on how I'm giving them a try once again...lol. But since that's not going to happen, I think I want to start fresh and meet new people. I want to deal with someone different instead of someone from my past. I don't believe in the perfect guy nor do I have an ideal type, so I'm going forward to the unknown toward my sunshine. Wish me luck.