A frustrated Vent
For the first time in months I'm horny and lonely. Oh my god, it took me so long to find the right words to express that. After trying to write this blog three times I figure the straight forward Jay approach is going to be best. I've been single for about 9 months now and without sexual contact with another person (I've masturbated) in almost that amount of time. This really wasn't an issue for me. But now I'm looking at all the failed aspects of my life and I'm amazed that I actually put these two in the same category with other failures I have. Yes I'm young and I still have time, there is a guy out there for me, blah blah blah, save it! I don't remember who I am at times. I'm not the same person, I'm not the person I look in the mirror and see nor am I the person I write about, I sit alone and wonder who the hell I am. I realize that this is partly due to me being out of work and having very little to do with my free time, but something in this life has to give. -Back on track, sorry about that- So I have been extremely horny lately and thoughts of fucking with every dude I have come across is getting bad. I'm back to my college days when I could masturbate to the morning news or the tree branch blowing in the wind. Yes, it is that serious. I turn on porn just for the sound, get depressed, bust a nut and wonder who is around to give me head. These urges is a huge part of why I'm avoiding sexual contact right now. I have to control my urges and not let them control me, that's the true measure of a man to me. I just wish I had a companion, not friend, to share in this with me. oh well, life goes on.
posted by Jay at
12:50 PM
4 Comments:
Wow man, sorry to hear that. I wish I was there in NJ to comfort you.
By
Darius T. Williams, at 3:56 PM
interesting...you can have a companion if u really want one and if you let someone get close enough to you to become that.. second have sex lol...its not hard...we both know its not...but um hey you'll be ok...you'll have that future in washington when the time comes (wink wink) i still love you :-D
By
Anonymous, at 5:22 PM
Darius- I'm good, but thanks man, enjoy your weekend.
trel- :-)
No sex and no relationship is something self imposed, a challenge to myself. Its hard sometime but life isn't easy. I'm good.
By
Jay, at 11:29 AM
Wow... do I know that feeling. With one exception, I am being slutty and still feeling overly horny and lonely. I think it is more a function of depression manifesting itself in a sexual manner and the end problem of being lonely still exist to increase that depressed feeling.
I have come to realize a lot of things about myself in the past 6 months. Foremost, I am co-dependent. I always felt this need to be with someone, to be accepted and embraced by someone, to have someone elses expectations riding on my ability to produce. I have to do that for myself. I also realized that I am terribly insecure. I have to learn to be alone, be ok with being alone and provide for myself all of those things I got from someone else.
Perhaps you are feeling some of those same things?
By
Daemian, at 7:20 PM
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