Just me....

Even though its almost 4 am on a Sunday morning in April and I should be sleep, I plan on staying true to myself and my blog. I will do what I normally do on my blog, I write what is going on with me.

I can't sleep and even though this is troubling because I realize something is wrong, I'm fine. I've come to terms with things that I can not control along time ago and I just continue on living. Now, what is troubling me is the Final Four game between North Carolina and Kansas I saw yesterday (Saturday). I knew it was possible that North Carolina could lose, I recognized Kansas as the most complete team in the tournament, but never did I think my Tar Heels would fall the way they had. With the energy of a marathon runner and the speed of a sprinter, Kansas ran up the score on a helpless shot potter in the wrong game. After three minutes of play, i wondered out loud, did the Tar Heel players and coaches realize this game had started and this was not a best of 5 series? Each player was out played by their counterpart and the Tar Heels seemed to be playing 1 on 5 basketball on offense. No one seeked helped from their teammate, instead tried to take the game over by themselves. The game was over before the second half and the powerful number 1 was out of the tournament. I will stand by my earlier prediction, the winner of the North Carolina and Kansas game will win the title, so go Jayhawks.

Over the weekend I attended a party and was quickly reminded why I never wanted a birthday party of my own. Maybe it is my own misunderstanding of social norms and customs, but I truly believe it is the obligation of the host of a party to ensure the enjoyment of all of those who attend. Sure, you can not please everyone nor be everywhere at once, however, laying the foundation of enjoyment for all is key. This is not a burden I want, mainly because as I got older the only enjoyment I felt obligated to was my own and I also didn't believe I had the skill to breath life into a party. A host is supposed to ensure that everything is perfect for his or her guests, a job that is thankless and normally every stressful. As a child, even as an adult, I never wanted my family to be the host family for family events or birthday parties because I didn't want to be burden with the cleaning, cooking and socializing that goes into a successful party. As the party went on and I saw sober boredom turn into drunken madness, I realized that those that stayed were not enjoying themselves but the liquor and the anticipation of something better. They stayed out of loyalty to the host and/or to the bottle. Unfortunately, some stayed because their ride fit into the categories above. I drove myself, but all other categories I would have to say I'm guilty as charged. Be I continue I will say that my enjoyment comes in the enjoyment of my friends and close associates so I was just fine. The problem is not all of those in attendance shared my plain life. The screams of boredom and frustration on the faces of many of those in attendance alarmed me but seemed to go unnoticed once again by those who hosted the party. I tried to make small talk and make myself available to those who sat blankly searching for signs of life in a party that they had deemed boring and uninteresting to them. What would I have done differently? I know that's the natural question to be asked, the honest inquiry of improvement or angry retort to the realization of truth. Honestly, as stated before, I don't like parties, especially those hosted by myself. I would not have had a party, but that is just me.

I will post again soon, I don't want to overload and completely alienate my readers. I will leave with this final thought: freedom is freeing but almost always comes at a cost. What are you willing to give for your personal freedom?