My Response

Yesterday I had the pleasure of joining in a discussion on tops/bottoms and perceptions that go along with these labels. Overall, I enjoyed myself even though I didn’t agree with some of the comments made. I tried to remain quiet and just observe, I did make a comment or two but for the most part I remained quiet. Now I would like to share my thoughts on a few issues that came up my way, written. I hope I’m not breaking any rules by taking this discussion to my blog. Before reading my comments I would warn my readers, my mind is sometimes scattered so there is normally a tendency for me to start a thought at the end and work my way forward, but I think you are all smart enough to figure things out.

Why do we like the “bad guy” image? Let’s look at the structure of our societal make up. As a people, we began life as hunters and gathers. The men were expected to hunt for food, protect the group from other tribes and wildlife, while the women stayed back prepared the food and nurtured the young. As time went on and we moved from hunting and gathering to the age of the computer, roles have not necessarily changed. The male is still expected to provide food and protection for the family as the female is expected to nurture the young and prepare the food that the man has bought home. Not saying that I agree with this thinking, but before you condemn my thinking as flawed and old fashioned, think about the perception of a relationship in which the roles are versed. Do we not think of the man as inferior and less than a man? Moving back to my point, in lower income families this thought pattern really holds true. The man needs to provide for the family, end of discussion. There is no other option, staying home nurturing the kids and preparing the meals is not an option for the inner city male. A man’s place is in the workforce. A woman can choose to work and this makes her an unaccepted and welcome asset to her family, but she can also stay home and be a housewife, and that’s fine also. So the more feminine homosexual male is seen as another female. This male tends to cling to the more non traditional role of society. His tendencies are viewed as a mirror of a female (once again, don’t agree necessarily agree). In a low income family, a male child not willing to conform to societal norms is an unwanted outcast, a liability to the family. However, the “thug,” “dl,” homosexual is still seen as a “man.” His addiction and love for other men is similar to the addiction of a crack addict. And as long as he can still function in his primary roles as a protector and provider, we look pass his addiction. The bad guy symbolizes power, protection, a warrior, the bad guy symbolizes the old hunter and gatherer.

Why do I like masculine men? I like men. I like the aggression of a man, the funky smell of a sweaty man. I like a man. Unfortunately, I’ve never been sexually attracted to females or anything feminine. I hate the smell of perfume, don’t like a small frame or a done up face. I like fashion but it doesn’t consume me and I don’t really care for a dude that is. For me, anything feminine is a turn off so a guy with more feminine tendencies is not for me. I don’t think less of these individuals but they are just not my type. Now looking within and trying to figure why this is my preference, is a difficult task. On some levels I think I’m still trying to hold on to my own image of heterosexuality (not the most masculine man, but I’m not very feminine as well) and a fear of being “outed” to the world by the man I’m with. It is hard to admit when our own thinking/ideology is wrong, but I know my thinking is wrong and as I have gotten older and dealt with my own issues, my thinking has changed.

Leaders?

Political turmoil and world unrest have been the headlines of American news for the past couple of months now. A nation is only as strong as the laws, principles and leaders that govern them, so where does that leave America?

With the scandal surrounding former Rep. Foley, the republican parties creditability has been doing a dangerous skydive with upcoming elections which could determine the control of the senate. So, what is the Foley scandal? For those who do not keep up on current events or have been away from the news for the past two months, let me try to sum this scandal up. Rep. Foley was the co-chair of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus and a pedophile. Mr. Foley was forced to resign his post on Capitol Hill because instant messages between him and a young boy that formerly was apart of the Congressional Page program. These instant messages were at best, a poor choice in judgment on the part of a grown man. Each message started innocent, but then he began to flirt just enough to be inappropriate. The life of this scandal continues because it appears that other Republicans knew of Mark’s indiscretions.

Republican Leader, Rep. Hartset, has come under fire after other represtentives have come forward and stated that he was made aware of Foley’s inappropriate communication with other pages back in 2000. What does this mean? The Republican Party tried to cover up Foley’s uncontrollable desire for young boys, left him on a committee that tries to defend our most vulnerable members of society and access to teenage boys spending time on Capitol Hill with the page program. Now, everyone is disgusted by the actions of Foley and every Republican is trying to get far away from any association with Mark Foley. But we are only as strong as our leader.

President Bush has shown that he is not his father’s puppet but an overgrown immature child. In the era of world leaders in sighting and ordering wars from an office and never touching the battlefield, Mr. George Bush has sent our sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and cousins into a never-ending war. Under the idea of getting Bin Laden and bringing him to justice for the September 11 attacks, we agreed to go to the Middle East and take over. Unable to find Bin Laden and really not showing an all out effort to find him, we have entered into a war with Iraq and Saddam Hussein, the arch enemy of the Bush family. We have successfully captured Saddam, but like Bin Laden, the weapons of mass destructions we were supposed to be fighting to retrieve have never been discovered. For that matter, evidence that Iraq had ever had these weapons has never been discovered. Looking at this war, we went into Iraq to free a people that didn’t necessarily ask to be freed. We (American politicians) did not agree with the political structure of Iraq and decided the Iraqi people should be able to choose whatever democratic government they want. Now, the Iraqi people are in a civil war, some embrace a democratic government while others did not see the problem with the old system. Instead of allowing the Iraqi people to decide for themselves what they think is best, President Bush has ordered our troops to stay in Iraq until the form of government America deems acceptable is securely in place. When asked when the troops would be coming home, Bush just stated that we would stay the course until democracy is in place in Iraq. We? None of his close family members are engaged in warfare right now.

So what is a workable solution? We are not the world police, our country has issues, and we should work on America and allow other countries to work on themselves. The safety of the world is not the responsibility of the United States. Actually, the air of superiority by American lawmakers has made us a target of terrorist attacks and threats from other powerful nations. We need to stay home, let the world police itself. Stay out of the affairs of other nations. Stop trying to rule the world. Worry about home, as my Aunt used to say.

A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND

Good men are hard to find. This statement is true because good men finish last. Sadly, most people claim they want a good man but where have all the good men gone? They stand in front of us as the super whores and playas. Defeat has led to the extinction of the good man.

For almost two years now I have made a conscious effort to be the ultimate “good man.” I believed in full disclosure, not hiding any of my questionable acts from those I wanted to share my life with. Stayed away from questionable activities so that there would be no reason for anyone to doubt my intentions were pure and sincere. I tried to be the perfect boyfriend, friend and mate, by extending myself so that all the needs of that special person could be met. What was I given? What kind of guy did I end up with? I talked to two guys that stated that they wanted a good guy and one that didn’t quite know what he wanted. One wanted a relationship, wanted a good man, but decided a cheating whore was better. Another was nothing more than a confused person, doesn’t know what he wants. And finally, a young one that reminded me why I have an age limit on who I date.

Now after so many hits and misses, so many let downs, a lot of the good men out here have turned to dogs. Given up on the possibility of love and a mate that will appreciate them. Because they were the victim of so many games and let downs, they have mastered the “game” and recognized the flaws in the game of those who tore them apart. These converted pimps are the worst enemy to the next generation of good men. These men know the heart, the tendency and weakness of the good man because he used to be that man. They will make love to the new good man, make him believe that he is loved, appreciated and he has finally found the “one,” only to be left to the side for the next young tight thing that comes along.

So where am I? My favorite phrase for the past three weeks, says it all: Jay’s just being Jay. I try to learn and improve from my experiences, try to aggressively avoid the super playa and remain a good man. I encourage the other good single men to do the same. Fight the urge to join the other good men who have gone bad. Our day will come and love is waiting somewhere out there for us (I hope).