My Response

Yesterday I had the pleasure of joining in a discussion on tops/bottoms and perceptions that go along with these labels. Overall, I enjoyed myself even though I didn’t agree with some of the comments made. I tried to remain quiet and just observe, I did make a comment or two but for the most part I remained quiet. Now I would like to share my thoughts on a few issues that came up my way, written. I hope I’m not breaking any rules by taking this discussion to my blog. Before reading my comments I would warn my readers, my mind is sometimes scattered so there is normally a tendency for me to start a thought at the end and work my way forward, but I think you are all smart enough to figure things out.

Why do we like the “bad guy” image? Let’s look at the structure of our societal make up. As a people, we began life as hunters and gathers. The men were expected to hunt for food, protect the group from other tribes and wildlife, while the women stayed back prepared the food and nurtured the young. As time went on and we moved from hunting and gathering to the age of the computer, roles have not necessarily changed. The male is still expected to provide food and protection for the family as the female is expected to nurture the young and prepare the food that the man has bought home. Not saying that I agree with this thinking, but before you condemn my thinking as flawed and old fashioned, think about the perception of a relationship in which the roles are versed. Do we not think of the man as inferior and less than a man? Moving back to my point, in lower income families this thought pattern really holds true. The man needs to provide for the family, end of discussion. There is no other option, staying home nurturing the kids and preparing the meals is not an option for the inner city male. A man’s place is in the workforce. A woman can choose to work and this makes her an unaccepted and welcome asset to her family, but she can also stay home and be a housewife, and that’s fine also. So the more feminine homosexual male is seen as another female. This male tends to cling to the more non traditional role of society. His tendencies are viewed as a mirror of a female (once again, don’t agree necessarily agree). In a low income family, a male child not willing to conform to societal norms is an unwanted outcast, a liability to the family. However, the “thug,” “dl,” homosexual is still seen as a “man.” His addiction and love for other men is similar to the addiction of a crack addict. And as long as he can still function in his primary roles as a protector and provider, we look pass his addiction. The bad guy symbolizes power, protection, a warrior, the bad guy symbolizes the old hunter and gatherer.

Why do I like masculine men? I like men. I like the aggression of a man, the funky smell of a sweaty man. I like a man. Unfortunately, I’ve never been sexually attracted to females or anything feminine. I hate the smell of perfume, don’t like a small frame or a done up face. I like fashion but it doesn’t consume me and I don’t really care for a dude that is. For me, anything feminine is a turn off so a guy with more feminine tendencies is not for me. I don’t think less of these individuals but they are just not my type. Now looking within and trying to figure why this is my preference, is a difficult task. On some levels I think I’m still trying to hold on to my own image of heterosexuality (not the most masculine man, but I’m not very feminine as well) and a fear of being “outed” to the world by the man I’m with. It is hard to admit when our own thinking/ideology is wrong, but I know my thinking is wrong and as I have gotten older and dealt with my own issues, my thinking has changed.