over

So its over! Things between Antwonne and I are over and I think its over for good. After almost a year of messing around, months of being with just each other, and three months of officially dating, Antwonne said he isn’t ready for a relationship. A small part of me believes that, but a greater part of me still believes its fear of what could happen. I thought we were good together, despite some disagreements and emotional conversations, I thought we were happy. I allowed myself to open up with Antwonne like I promised myself I would never do again. I mean I love/loved Tony, but I held back, didn’t want to get hurt, but with Antwonne I gave my all. I sacrificed all of me, gave him completely, but that was either too much or not much enough. I just wanted some attention from Antwonne, I know it seemed like something was always wrong with me, I always had a problem, but the truth of the matter was, i was happiest with Antwonne and just wanted to talk out all our issues so we could spend the majority of our life together. With Antwonne I found love again, with Antwonne I’m leaving love behind again. Sure I know most, if not all, of you reading this will say you have to learn from this experience and continue to love. Shit, that’s my advice. But that’s not in the cards for me right now. Being happy in the company of a significant other doesn’t seem to be in my cards. Tony said it best, you only can hear, “it’s me not you,” so many times before you realize it’s really you. Either it’s my personality or I choose the wrong people.

That’s it. And let me answer the most frequently asked questions right now. No I’m not ok. No I don’t want to talk about it and no I won’t. If your question wasn’t answered in this post, guess what…they won’t be!