question

I know I haven't posted in a minute but life has been a little hectic. I started a new job and training is killing me. The highlight of training is getting the opportunity to do assignments that are long and boring. But they keep my attention and most importantly, they keep me awake. We have two maroons in the class. I guess its really their age that is showing but they ask some dumb ass questions that hold up the class. I can't wait until we actually get to work, maybe then I will enjoy this job. They have a department that deals solely on emails and processing large requests, thats where I would like to be, but that is going to require me to be on my game. I"m up for the challenge, I hope.

My personal life is still an organized mess. A and I are probably still at the same place and I think its draining me. I like him and I don't care what anyone says, i'm not being stupid to stick around. I like him and i'm not sure if what i'm going to say is sad or a good thing, but he has actually treated me better than any of my exs. I mean on one hand i can count how many times all my other exs have paid for dinner or a movie (not both, that number is zero) and in the past two months, A has beat all of them out combined. I've been real good, avoiding questionable situations and avoiding people that i know that will get me into trouble, but sometimes I think this is a waste. I mean he doesn't want a relationship, he told me as such, but i do...anyone else see the problem. i knew what it was but it seems like he wants more, but scared. I don't know. Then he does things that a single person would do (thought we were more than we are, but found out the truth today. always good to ask questions) that confused me (i guess it really doesn't now since i know my place) and hurt me. i'm not going to go into it, just know that i did overreact just a little, but in that situation, anyone would understand if I acted worst than I did. I guess my problem is i've been looking for a good man to share my life with for so long, have struck out so many times that now that i have found someone i don't want to let go. i mean he is not perfect, but that adds to his appeal. so how long is too long to put ur life on hold? I mean there isn't much i wouldn't do for him and i want to be the one that makes him happy, but am i being selfish? should i just let go? let me know what u think. for those of you who don't have ur own blog account and are reading this email my phone, jdavis07006@tmail.com