I haven't posted the way I would have liked, but thats primarily because things have gone so well. 'A' and I are doing well, we have had a couple of good weekends now. He is a great guy and we click. I'm not saying either of us are without our flaws or we haven't had disagreements recently, but who hasn't? The important thing is we are able to communicate and are learning to trust each other more. but with everything good we get the opposite. Some of my friends think I have been ignoring them for 'A,' not giving them the same time i used to. partly this is true. but at the same time, why should i be expected to organize everything or wait around for an invite? with the exception of friday, i normally don't make plans for my weekend, just wait around for the first offer that comes around. is it my fault that when 'A' calls me at 6pm wanting to go out i accept because no one else has made plans?

TIME TO VENT
ok friday we planned to go out bowling. the plan was to meet at the bowling lanes on rt. 10 at 10pm. 1st, 'A' gets to my house late. then i get a call around 10 after 10 informing me that the other group of people were just leaving out (ok, am i the only person that learned you are supposed to call ahead when you were going to be late and this didn't mean call when you are already late. really, we have cell phones.) so we sit and wait for everyone else to get there. greg, knowing how i feel about being on time, was at the bowling alley at 10. apparently, the other group got lost and couldn't find their way. ok now i'm pissed, its almost 11 now. i had two issues...1. if u didn't know how to get somewhere and you have internet access at home, why leave without searching for directions? 2. most phones have internet access, why not check directions on your phone once you get lost. 3. (guess i really have 3) common sense, if lost and near a gas station, pull the fuck over. 9 times out of 10 they can direct you. so we finally meet up with everyone at another bowling alley, but by this point i was done. i had the mother of all attitudes. i get in my moods from time to time when things don't go my way. but this time i was really pissed, i have an issue with people being late and everyone knows this, yet every time we go out everyone is late. when i get an attitude its like i'm wrong, like i have no reason to be upset. like its ok for everyone to be late, despite them knowing how i feel and i always have to be ok with it. so i was not my normal self, i wanted to stay in my own world. and pretty much thats what i did. i did get over it but the whole thing continues to sit badly with me. does time only matter to me? i don't know, i know everyone from that night will blame getting lost, but they were late when they left the house. i was once told i have to learn to deal with the fact that most people aren't ontime (which really meant, black people were rarely ontime) but why should i? i hate being late and i hate when people are late, but i guess i'm the only one.

the weekend still turned out pretty good, spent most of saturday laying around with 'A', simple but it worked. now i'm home washing clothes and just relaxing, just another sunday. i plan on writing a better post one day but for right now i wrote what was on my mind, just as it came to me. i didn't care how it sounded or if it would move anyone to a thoughtful comment, just expressing whats on my mind.