Random
Let me start by saying sorry to my readers for taking so long to post another post, I've been trying to post every two days but my sister took her laptop and I was too lazy to hook mine up. But I'm back with my mess of a life, so read what you want, there should be something for everybody (sorry no sex talk this time).
Its Sunday and I really should be in church praising God or at the very least have my gospel music on worshiping his name, but I'm sitting hear listening to Trey Songs new cd (really not that impressed) and texting X. I'm not really feeling like myself right now but I've been changing so much that I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm feeling better I must admit, I know I'm getting better and I have taken the advice of many and I'm taking it easy. My days seem the same, I wake up, watch tv with my younger brother, take meds and eat. I rarely go outside unless I have a doctor's appointment. I should be depressed about that, but I'm not. I'm getting too comfortable with being home doing nothing.
Even though I'm becoming lazy at home I have found things to get excited/upset about. Those that know me well know that my sexuality really isn't the world to me. I mean I'm Gay and don't really hide that, at the same time I don't let it define who I am nor do I get caught up in a lot of the "gay" activities. However, doing research on the internet I came across an article on Newark, NJ and it's invisible gay community. I wanted to learn more about a community center for LGBT youth's in the area and surprisingly this was the only thing that came up. The article touched on incidents of abuse aimed at persons going to or from this center and discrimination toward homosexuals in the largest city in the state. I wanted to be upset, wanted to start a writing campaign, but what's the point. We still bash one another. We sit and tell our more openly gay brothers and sisters they need to tone it down. Snicker at them when they switch by with their "man bags." We break down the self-esteem of our own, try to throw members of our family back in the closest on so many levels. I wish I could say I was above the snickering, above the name callings, but I'm not yet. I accept my friends and others for who they are, but to say that is something I understand or try to be around would be a lie. I say all of that to ask, where do we go from here? I'm a firm believer in taking care of home first before reaching out. So do we need to work on our relationships between masculine and feminine members of our community before we work on the relationship between gays and straights?
Recently I've tried changing a few things about me. One of the major things is my mouth and what comes out of it. I have a tendency to be very blunt and honest and it can be hurtful and in the past may have cost me some friendships. However, it seems that I'm the only one suffering from this change (side note: I'm over this cd, I'm about to put on my gospel). I suffer for visitors that just won't go home, bad movies etc. Normally, I would just tell someone it's time to leave, but now I hope they get the hint or suffer through a crappy movie because someone else wants to watch it. So, I've decided, even at the risk of loosing friends, I can only be me and telling people to get the fuck out because they have been at my house for six hours and I need a mental break is a problem, OH FUCKING WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (lol)
Its Sunday and I really should be in church praising God or at the very least have my gospel music on worshiping his name, but I'm sitting hear listening to Trey Songs new cd (really not that impressed) and texting X. I'm not really feeling like myself right now but I've been changing so much that I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm feeling better I must admit, I know I'm getting better and I have taken the advice of many and I'm taking it easy. My days seem the same, I wake up, watch tv with my younger brother, take meds and eat. I rarely go outside unless I have a doctor's appointment. I should be depressed about that, but I'm not. I'm getting too comfortable with being home doing nothing.
Even though I'm becoming lazy at home I have found things to get excited/upset about. Those that know me well know that my sexuality really isn't the world to me. I mean I'm Gay and don't really hide that, at the same time I don't let it define who I am nor do I get caught up in a lot of the "gay" activities. However, doing research on the internet I came across an article on Newark, NJ and it's invisible gay community. I wanted to learn more about a community center for LGBT youth's in the area and surprisingly this was the only thing that came up. The article touched on incidents of abuse aimed at persons going to or from this center and discrimination toward homosexuals in the largest city in the state. I wanted to be upset, wanted to start a writing campaign, but what's the point. We still bash one another. We sit and tell our more openly gay brothers and sisters they need to tone it down. Snicker at them when they switch by with their "man bags." We break down the self-esteem of our own, try to throw members of our family back in the closest on so many levels. I wish I could say I was above the snickering, above the name callings, but I'm not yet. I accept my friends and others for who they are, but to say that is something I understand or try to be around would be a lie. I say all of that to ask, where do we go from here? I'm a firm believer in taking care of home first before reaching out. So do we need to work on our relationships between masculine and feminine members of our community before we work on the relationship between gays and straights?
Recently I've tried changing a few things about me. One of the major things is my mouth and what comes out of it. I have a tendency to be very blunt and honest and it can be hurtful and in the past may have cost me some friendships. However, it seems that I'm the only one suffering from this change (side note: I'm over this cd, I'm about to put on my gospel). I suffer for visitors that just won't go home, bad movies etc. Normally, I would just tell someone it's time to leave, but now I hope they get the hint or suffer through a crappy movie because someone else wants to watch it. So, I've decided, even at the risk of loosing friends, I can only be me and telling people to get the fuck out because they have been at my house for six hours and I need a mental break is a problem, OH FUCKING WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (lol)
posted by Jay at
9:33 AM
3 Comments:
I actually hated Trey's album until I gave it a try... I think 5 songs are my favs and we can toss the rest out and go back to his original album.
I think an understanding needs to understood about mmm what's the right word? "Theatrics" of homosexuality. When is the best way to conduct ones self as a man that has more feminine tendencies.
I do feel there should be a code of conduct of when and where to "fag out" I can understand why some people don't like "fem" guys, but we have to find a way to be able to understand an accept all aspects of life if we are to move in a progressive manner.
Just like we want hetrosexuals to do the same for us. Or Us them, lol.
By
ShawnQt, at 9:11 AM
I believe that there is a time and a place for everything. Subtracting the bashing and the rest of negativity. I'm right along with you with the snickering etc, but I try to do it internally and keep it to myself. Momma said, "if you don't have anything nice to say keep the trap shut!"
As for the visitors, I just remove my attention from them and do everything else and purposely not involve them. If all else fails, I go to sleep. This sometimes doesn't work. So in that event, "Its time for you to go!". My sister used to tell me all of the time that I was borderline wearing out my welcome. She would say, "Well, its been good" and I would know its time to go... lol
By
fuzzy, at 9:33 AM
i really hope i haven't been a hardheaded visitor. i try to be mindful of you and pay attention to when you seem tired or over it. but like i told you before, when you're ready for me to leave...tell a bitch! lol
we've already discussed these other topics in this post in person.
By
Omar Ramon, at 9:15 AM
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