Random

Ok, I'm looking for something to do. I'm tired of being in the house or going out just to hear bullshit from another doctor that only examines or speaks to me for only two minutes or to get food. I'm not yet fully healed and realize that just sitting on my ass might be the best thing to do, but isn't that being rather lazy? Staying still because someone else told me to or because of an illness has been weighing on my body has never been me, I like to do my own thing, make my own rules, move when I want to move.



I realize as I am writing that God has done all of this to slow me down and take a deeper look into my life. I'm trying. As far as relationships go I have jumped into the the middle of the ocean and I really don't like what I'm seeing. When I look at the "crew" I really only see two or three friends, a few associates and a couple of people I'm just hanging onto. I tried to look passed or let me use a better word, accept the flaws I thought my friends had, but being stuck in the house and re-examining all my relationships, I'm beginning to realize I don't fit in the group. Maybe I do, maybe we are a group of mix-match parts, but I can't help but see everyone for who they are. Now don't confuse this as a declaration of perfection on my behave because I have faults and with the exception of one other I may have one of the hardest personalities to get along with. I make no excuses for who I am or how I come across, you have to take me as I am and personally that's how I try to deal with other's, I accept them for who they are, the good and bad. But what happens when you no longer can handle the differences?



I've been rethinking my rebeling against the barber and cutting my hair and think I will be getting a fresh cut before friday (shhhh don't tell my mother). I'm supposed to go out to eat on friday and after looking at myself in the mirror, I know for sure I'm not going to anyone's restaurant looking the way I do unless it's white castle or McDonald's.