Life Changes

They finally released me from my prison. I had begun loosing my mind and sense of self while in the hospital and it was only a matter of days before a full mental break occurred. The purple walls were beige to me as I never noticed the color despite staring at them for hours on end. Delusions of visitors and conversations that never happened with people that were or were not present, paranoia racing through my mind thinking the workers were trying to kill me. Delusions, paranoia and medication working together I came up with three times they tried to kill me (two I believe are true today). But I'm free now, I'm home. I am still in pain but I'm home.

My diet has to change. I'm on a low-fat low sodium diet. As some of you may know I had to cut dairy out of my diet a few months back because it was causing me breathing problems, while now I have to say bye to bacon, most cuts of pork, chips ahoy chocolate cookies (the lady said I could have 1 or 2 every once in a while, who can do that?), I have to limit my beef intake and they really don't want me to have steaks. So, healthy food for me. Now I like when my sister cooks (she only cooks low-fat foods) so I'm happy when she is home, but when my moms cooks the meat is extra dry. Any cooks out there want to make me something to eat and drop it off, I'm cool with that.

For the next 6 months I can not work. This is going to drive me crazy. Sure I hate going to work and complain about it, but I can't live without it, it's apart of who I am. I need to contribute, be able to pay my own way and stay active, not being able to work is forcing me to change a part of me. In addition to working, I can't drive for at least month and for 3-4 months if I'm not driving I have to sit in the back like a two year old. I don't sit in the back and I like to drive my own car (when I'm in Jersey, JB got me in the city), now I need to depend on someone else. I guess the bottom line here is I hate to depend on others to do something I should be able to do.