My Friends

I realize I might not want to do this post as some persons may feel left out, feelings hurt or questions raised, but hell, do you really think that was going to stop me? I've decided to rank and thank my closest friends, those I say I love and mean it. Now these people will be people I consider friends, those that I can share everything with and have been through the storms and back with. The decision to do this wasn't to hurt anyone's feelings or isolate myself from others, but give those who have been there supporting me the credit and recognization they deserve. My Mother has been left out because I think I'm going to dedicate a post to her and her alone. Most of these people don't read my blog so plastering their names on my blog will mean nothing to them as they probably will never see it. I wish I could do a top ten but I don't have that many unless I lower my standards and for this post I won't.

1. At the top of my list is my brother. Ok, I didn't say family and friends but if you knew my relationship with my brother you would know that he is truly my friend. Byron and I haven't always been friends, in fact when we were younger we used to fight and argue all the time. However, I always loved my brother and I was the only person that would torture him. Not a child or adult would yell or make him cry without me intervening. Byron was the first heterosexual I told I was gay and only the third person I admitted I was gay to. We laughed, joked and never missed a beat after I told him. Now that I'm sick/recovering and stuck in the house he is right there beside me trying to make this process as bearable as possible.

2. Easily this person could have been number one, she is and has always been my best friend, Omika, my older sister. When I felt like the black sheep of my family, an outcast among my brother and sisters when I was growing up, she was right there letting me know I wasn't alone. Jokingly we started saying we were twins because we shared some of the same ideas, got along better than I did with my actual twin sister and looked alike also. When we both became adults it was surprising how much closer we got, I sometime forgot she was my sister, she was a friend. It took me a long time to tell her I was gay which she was upset about (the length of time not the fact that I was gay), but once I did it opened a whole new chapter in our friendship. Now we both share stories of our relationships and "adult" acts. I love my older sister and not just because she gave birth to my favorite nephew (she and a few others will understand why that was written).

3. Michelle. What can I say about the diva in my life? She is wonderful and always there to check me when I need it and push me to be better. Michelle and I met in college and nothing about our relationship has ever been easy. We argued, stopped speaking, I betrayed her, but at the end of it all, our love and respect for one another kept us together. How many of you can go without talking to your best friend for a year and still know if you needed to talk to them at 4 am on a work day they would still answer the phone and listen? I can. She can. Many of my close friends and associates haven't met her, not because I'm ashamed of her, but because I want her all to myself. She is my Michelle. Love you baby.

4. Matt. My little brother, Matt. When I first met Matt he was a horny thirteen year old boy with the crack voice trying to be oh so grown. Now, at age twenty-three, this young man just amazes me. Matt and I have cried together, laughed and just talked, we have maintained our relationship dispute many miles, screen name and email changes, number changes and never meeting face to face. But love knows no boundaries. I care for him as much as I care for my own brother and more than most of the people I know personally. His pain is my pain, his success is my success and I enjoy in his life as much as I can. There will not be another Matt in my life and not another friend that does half the things he does. I love his craziness, I love his drive and I love his vision. I love my little brother and draw a lot of my strength to continue fighting from him.

5. Mike. I've known Mike for a short time relatively speaking. He was hurt by another friend of mine and through comforting him we became friends. Mike is one of the few good guys left out there. Yes he has his own issues but once in his circle he will bend over backwards move heaven and earth for you. Sometimes I wonder how we remain friends, he refuses to sleep and doesn't think anyone else should sleep and a nap is my best friend before I go to sleep for the night. He is a movie goer and watcher, I hate sitting looking at the screen that long. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is we are there for each other. It can be a simple hi or a conversation about nothing, we make sure the other is alright and able to continue on in life. Love you Mikey.

6. Eddie. Who would have thought we would still be friends after our first meeting? You were dating my friend and trying to hook me up with your friend, but look at us now. Hell, after I took that ride with your mother to drop you off at college I didn't think I would hear from you again, thought you would just disown me. Those were tough times. Now I look at you like you are my little brother. I know I mess with you when you shout out your other friends but leave me out, but I really do know how you feel. I'm so proud of you little brother. I love you

7. Greg. Blacksunshyne (did I spell it right?)...lol. Remember those days. Remember when you had a two drink maximum? Greg, if I had to put a label on him I would characterize him as a cool older brother. He would go out with us, but he was a constant reminder of what we should and should not do. He was there to give us the speeches of our parents when they are not around. But Greg is a great and giving person. Like most people in my life, we have had our moments, but Greg has always bounced back. Being around Greg reminds me where I should be as a person, yes I do think people take advantage of him, honestly he knows most of the time now, but he doesn't let that change him. He might be the nicest person I know. I love you old man...lol (ok I know I'm right behind you in age but I'm still younger...lol).

8. Antonne. Of all the people on the list I have known Antwan the least amount of time, but friendships and love are not measured by time in my book. We have shared personal details of our lives to one another, dreams and pain. We have made the other laugh and cry but the love has remained. I tried to push you out of my life that was a task I could not complete. The love I have for you is different and the same for you than the other members on this list, but whenever I have been at my lowest point recently you have been there. There to check on Mike for me and keep him sane when I was unable to, keep me company when I felt no one cared about me outside of my family, you always go out of your way to make me feel special. I love you my Antwan.

9. Tony. I wish we could just stay away from each other. Even when things are going good for us it is a fight. But you are my Tony and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know why we don't talk much now, it’s the nature of our relationship, but I know you love me. For those of you that don't know, Tony broke my heart twice, chose two other men over me. I should be bitter, but we always ended up back together (not romantically), arguing about nothing and trying to force our will on the other. I wouldn't change anything about our relationship, arguing and bumping heads is just who we are. Two Leos who share the same type of personality just can't work without both having thick skin. I love you and I'm coming to see my step godson soon.

I love these nine people and wouldn't change them. They have been through the good, bad and ugly with me, as I with them. I love my nine unconditionally and they may not know it but they have helped keep me here as much as my mother and the doctors have. There is so much that I have to say to them, I want to do (I'm not going to Vegas so bag it up and you know who you are) with them. I love all you and you know I have and will drop everything for you (don't think I'm doing manual labor, once again you know who you are).