JUST ANOTHER DAY

As Valentine's Day comes to an end I take this time to reflect on the day that was. A day filled with love, flowers and balloons, one of the lovingest days of the year. Damn I hate this make believe holiday. For one day, everyone is supposed to show their love for the ones that they should be showing love to all year long. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, but how many of us go out of our way to buy those dozen roses, bottle of cologne, box of chocolate on this day for our sweetheart, go out to dinner and possibly a hotel to show our love only to get our credit card or bank statement at the end of the month and realize what a waste it truly was. Shouldn't unexpected gifts and trips be the norm, shouldn't we be able to tell those we love, "I love you," everyday. Why does the wife beater take off just this one day and allow his pimp hand to rest in warm water as his wife indulges in the chocolate she didn't have to pay for with her face, why is the adulterer forced to buy an extra nice gift and go to dinner twice (what you thought the secretary wasn't going out to dinner also?). This economic holiday geared to remind those in love of what should be obvious and depress those lonely souls that sit alone wanting wishing for a mate is coming to an end and for me it couldn’t come fast enough.

The day started off like most for me, I struggled to get out of the bed, one part because I was in an uncomfortable position (most positions are uncomfortable due to the half healed bone in the middle of my chest) and secondly because I was without a whole nights sleep again. My sister had the great idea to go to lunch at my mother’s job today for Valentine’s Day since we were both off work today, I didn’t object so I called her to find out what time she would be ready. I had an hour, which for me was enough time to shower and iron something to wear. I was going to miss church but since I didn’t have a working car (my car has a flat and since I’m not supposed to left a turkey I’m thinking a tire is out of the question) to get to church I was going to miss it anyway. The day was going smoothly, we picked up flowers and balloons for my mother (ok, she picked them up, I just went along for the ride) and then my sister treated us to lunch at the café at my mother’s job. My mother needed us to run an errand to the bank, great, I was in no rush to go back to my new prison (the hospital was prison number one, home has taken the place of the hospital). We get home and there are three letters for me. One from my job’s disability department informing me that if I’m not back at work by March 9, 2008 I’m subject to my job’s attendance policy, in short, my job is not secure after March 9, 2008. Then there were two letters from the state disability department (this is my check), in short they want information that can’t be given at this time like, the day I started back at work. As I read that letter I thought, “What the fuck? I’m still out of work and last I checked I couldn’t see into the future.”

Instead of letting the day get to me I did the only thing I could do, threw on a gospel CD, took the letters upstairs to my room, closed the door and didn’t worry about a damn thing. My blood pressure was running high all day, I didn’t care, I had pizza for dinner. O came home and interrupted my nap and peace. I didn’t mind, he watched Sweeney Todd and I drifted in and out of sleep. Now I’m typing without a care in the world. The depression that had been my friend all week is still on the couch sleep and I’m experiencing an unexplainable high. So on this February 14, 2008, I say goodnight to my readers and to those who foolishly went out their way to express their love because it’s Valentine’s Day I say, shame on you, flowers and balloons can be brought all year around.