Life update

I haven't blogged in a minute, but that hasn't been because life has been busy and/or complicated, I've just been enjoying the time I have remaining on this planet. I'm patiently waiting on the storm that comes because right now the calm is here. But those that know me well, know that I'm not patiently sitting still waiting as I lack patients.



RELATIONSHIPS

Where do I begin. This year has seen a change in my life. Somethings/people are still the same and are still very much a constant in my life. My older sister and my little brother (biological) are still two of my best friends. They embrace and love me for who I am, as well as enjoy the company of those I choose to enter into my life. I love them flaws and all, they are the best. My relationship with my twin sister is the same now as it was at this point last year. The scare of my death is over and we seem to walk around like strangers on the street at times. We have our moments, but those moments can be counted. My brother's girlfriend and I have gotten closer, if that is possible. We were buddy buddy before, but I think now she is almost on the level of my brother. She is my heart, a good person and someone I can just be around. It doesn't hurt that she gave birth to my niece. That little girl is going to be a handful when she grows up. I see so much of my brother in her already, not to mention she looks like him as a baby (not a female version, they look exactly alike!). Moms is moms, she is in a league by herself, as most good mothers are. She gets on my nerves, she babys me (not a word from the Husband, I don't want to hear it...lol), she treats me like a friend and in her own way, she pushes me to do more.



I don't really hang around the same group of friends as I did at this point last year, or I should say that I have limited my interaction with a group of friends. This is not to say that something is wrong with them nor do I have ill feelings toward them, its just been a year of growth and letting go. Being honest with myself, I just didn't think I fit in and trying to fit in was not benefiting me. I mean, if I was trying to git in with a bunch of Ivy League grads that's one thing, but being almost _ _ fitting in with frat boys is not the way to go for me. That was/is not a stab at them, but a statement of where I am in my life. I have developed a bound with Damnit, someone that if you would have told me when I met him some years ago we would be cool, not to mention friends, I would have tossed back a shot, ordered another round and had a laugh at your expense. but I've come to realize what I thought I didn't like about him, is actually the thing that draws us together. Our love, relationship with the truth and honesty, is the bound that seems to keep us together. His bluntness may come off a little aggressive and mean at times, but he only speaks the truth as he sees it, remains true to who he is and surprisingly, has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Then there is O. The brother is smart! I really don't have to go on, but he is a great guy, always looking to improve himself and very caring, what more can I ask for from a friend? Mike and 'A' are still my boys, nothing there has changed, even though I might want to stop referring to 'A' as "the ex." I don't call him that to down play our friendship, but a statement of fact and as a memory to the other relationship we shared. We shared some great times and some trying ones as well, all of which has molded our friendship and helped me become the person I am today.

Then there is my romantic life. Previously, I posted that I was torn between two and as things would appeared to become less complicated for most people, the decision become difficult for me. But today, right now at this moment, there is no decision to be made. I've been spending my time with someone that makes me happy. Through the arguments and uncertainty, it is he who I want to be with and he who crosses my mind almost every minute of every day. This is not to say that the feelings I had for the other were not real or I was using him until I got to this point, because honestly I think he knew this time was coming, but this is to say that I'm in love all over again with a man that has grown with me for some time. Our relationship is been far from perfect, but being someone that doesn't believe in perfection anyway, I guess what we have had is perfect for me. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep or woke up and didn't think about him, nor do I want to. He spoils me which I'm not used to nor have I felt comfortable in the past being spoiled, but it is different with him. We have no official title/label, even though we regularly refer to the other as "the husband," but for right now its working for us. I want the other to stay in my life as a friend but a relationship with us right now can't happen.

JOB
I'm beginning to hate my job all over again. Its easy work, and coming off of heart surgery and still not 100%, this job is probably best for me, but I need more. I need more interaction with people, more of a challenge, but right now I'm settling for a job that will probably keep my stress level down. My co-workers seem to think that actually doing work at work is way to much to ask for and it is beneath them to do more than the bare minimum. I'm becoming to be overworked because our bonus is affected by the work the team shells out (top perform from a team gets more, but the pot in which we share from is affected by the work we put in). These idiots don't want to do work so they can force the company to give them overtime (which the company has taken and has granted very sparingly recently, I'm waiting for my verbal warning for going over 15 minutes last pay period), which in short means, they want to be rewarded for doing less than what they can do. I'm happy for a job and I'm not fucking with my money.

Let me get back to work before someone decides I'm not doing enough work. Hopefully I will be back soon.