Beat, Hurt, Breath and Release

Beat…No one has to tell me that I’m beat over ‘A,’ I know it to be true for myself. All the signs are right there in front of me clear as day. Shit, who else treats someone else for lunch and buys them a gift on their birthday? But can you blame me? We’ve shared just about everything for almost two years now, he became one of my closest friends, my lover, my partner, a shoulder to cry on, and my other half (and these titles are not necessarily the same). I did for him just because and he did the same for me. We wanted each other to be happy. I would and did just about anything to make him happy.

Hurt…it has been almost a week since those words scrolled across my phone, but to relive it now still causes a shooting pain in my chest and forces me to hold back tears. He finally told me that he doesn’t see us getting back together. He had no reason for his decision, stated that he didn’t understand it himself, but that was his answer. I respected his decision but my world, my dreams, my thoughts for the future shattered. I wanted answer but none made the words easier to digest, none took the sting away from the initial shot.

Breath…I took a deep breathe, collected myself before the tears snuck out of my eyes. Pulled it all together. Used the breath to take in all that was said over the past two years, all that was done and all that was never said. Assessed the rejection text I had just received and tried to figure out my next course of action.

Release…I released the pain for that moment, let go of the memories of the past. I released the memory of the text and the conversation I had with ‘A.’ I released my life and began to live again. I’m learning to live again, while leaving room for ‘A’ (did I mention I’m beat?...lol)