I HATE LOVE
I was asked recently, "are you single?" My response came quickly and unexpected to both the person asking the question and myself. The answer came from the heart and not really anywhere else. "Yes, but my heart belongs to someone right now." I knew exactly who I meant when the words poured onto the computer screen. I was shocked and then hurt, because all that i have felt for that person rushed back.
I hate to admit it but i'm still in love with 'A.' I know he doesn't want a relationship, not sure when he is ready for a relationship if he wants one with me, but i do know that these feelings are holding me back from pursueing another relationship with someone else. I tried to distance myself from him and it worked,until we began speaking again. I thought I could handle a friendship with him, but i can't. i still have very strong feelings for him. I don't want to pursue him, i don't want tomakethe same mistake twice,but i fear I am already in too deep.
I love him and I'm on the verge of being love's fool. I'm honestly thinking about waiting on him toget his apartment (which will be the time he is ready for a relationship) and even waiting the additional 6 months with him before we have sexual contact (ladies and gentleman that means no sexual contact until like April 08). He helped me while i was stressing over an emotionless relationship, birthday planning and my ticket situation. He gives me the attention I want from him without giving me too much. I wish i could talk to him about this without making him feel like i'm trying to pressure him into a decision he isn't prepared to make.
I know i need to just walk away from the situation,but thats easier said than done. I love my lil selfish shortie, i do. I know i am not getting into another relationship with someone else anytime soon, because there will be no feeling toward that person. I can't go into too much because i vented to my computer (my offline journel) earlier and got must of it out, plus i don't want to say too much on the off chance 'A' reads this (he currently doesn't have internet access so i think i'm good).
I hate to admit it but i'm still in love with 'A.' I know he doesn't want a relationship, not sure when he is ready for a relationship if he wants one with me, but i do know that these feelings are holding me back from pursueing another relationship with someone else. I tried to distance myself from him and it worked,until we began speaking again. I thought I could handle a friendship with him, but i can't. i still have very strong feelings for him. I don't want to pursue him, i don't want tomakethe same mistake twice,but i fear I am already in too deep.
I love him and I'm on the verge of being love's fool. I'm honestly thinking about waiting on him toget his apartment (which will be the time he is ready for a relationship) and even waiting the additional 6 months with him before we have sexual contact (ladies and gentleman that means no sexual contact until like April 08). He helped me while i was stressing over an emotionless relationship, birthday planning and my ticket situation. He gives me the attention I want from him without giving me too much. I wish i could talk to him about this without making him feel like i'm trying to pressure him into a decision he isn't prepared to make.
I know i need to just walk away from the situation,but thats easier said than done. I love my lil selfish shortie, i do. I know i am not getting into another relationship with someone else anytime soon, because there will be no feeling toward that person. I can't go into too much because i vented to my computer (my offline journel) earlier and got must of it out, plus i don't want to say too much on the off chance 'A' reads this (he currently doesn't have internet access so i think i'm good).
posted by Jay at
2:18 PM
11 Comments:
Awwwwww Jay. Its gone b okay. My moto is "If its meant to be, Then it will be."
If u wanna wait on 'A' go ahead, by all means but "please" don't deprive yourself of happiness elsewere. (You see what happened in the last ,U know) Being that I kinda know wat is going on in this situation. U can't sit around hoping an wishing things are gonna b better & britter then B4........ but only time will tell.....
By
Promiscuous X, at 3:37 PM
I dont know how to stab at this and how many times I should stab at this... Love wants who love wants. Your heart can be opened to someone else, but I think you know who has the key to your heart. Will you let A keep it? or eventually will you ask for it back? Keep in mind, in April he may move on and still have that key. I dont want you to wait on a possibility. But on the other hand I do want you to be 100% happy, and I know A will give you that...
I dont know what else to say! I'll support you in whatever u decide to do.
By
fuzzy, at 8:38 AM
You need to go "LOVE REHAB."
I have been thinking about you all day to see what I would do in the situation.
One part of me says, tell him and see if he still feels the same. Maybe going full steam ahead will really take my feelings, or relationship, and the love to the next level.
Another part of me says, don't tell him, don't talk to him, don't even see him, forget the friendship and just take his letter out of the alphabet! He hasn't shown that he doesn't want a relationship then, so why would he want one now? If you really want to be with someone, then you will be with someone, no matter what.
Then I'm like, I don't really know how your interaction with him really is. so hey, Im here for you, lol...
By
ShawnQt, at 5:45 PM
The letter 'A' can not be removed from the alphabet because then we won't be able to spell 'Alphabet'. LMAO!
By
bLaQ~n~MiLD, at 11:50 AM
Love is not the problem, it is whom it is with that is the problem. Not all love is good.
By
Anonymous, at 12:59 PM
Wow! You have it for him bad. I believe that a love that hasn't lived will never die. In other words, you will never truly be able to move on until what you hold for him is exhausted.
One thing to ask yourself though is are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of being in love with him.
By
Ty, at 3:26 PM
Mmmmmmm Ty very deep question. okay ummmm jay lol I want feed bac on that. lol
By
Promiscuous X, at 6:05 PM
Well, where do I start? You know me for being a flirt. You know me for being "just like you". You haven't had the opportunity to see me in a relaitonship yet so you don't know how hard I love. They say cancers are too sensitive and emotional. Anyway, I know how you feel. It is totally normal and understandable. The love you share for "that special someone" will always be in your heart. If you are not ready to move on, DON'T. I do think it is a good idea to express how you feel to him though. Holding things inside only makes it harder in the end. I know that you don't want to pressure him into anything, but you may get an answer from him that will help YOU to move on from this "ambiguous" stage. Telling him will either allow you closure or speed up his decision to want a relationship. Either way, you cannot lock love away in your own heart. Love is to be shared. So share DAMMIT!
By
Tyson, at 11:00 PM
Hmm...to answer ty's question, its not the idea of being in love with him. I wish it was, then it would be a lil easier to get over him. We have talked about us getting back together indirectly and he has made it very clear that he isn't looking for a relationship until he moves back into his own place, which if everything works out right that will be by the end of oct. That is not to say that in the beginning of nov we will be together, but I def not bringing up the R word around him since I already know what it is.
By
Jay, at 3:57 AM
He told you he isn't looking for a relationship until he moves back into his own place??? I'm not the brightest dude, but that sounds like some bullshit. Sorry lol. What does having your own place have to do with it? Anyway, I know how much you care about him, so whatever you decide to do, just make sure you don't regret it later on down the line.
By
Jersey Brotha, at 8:07 PM
it will be hard for you, but you have to move on. somehow, someway. it's easy to let emotions get in the way of good judgment. if he wanted to be with you (or anyone) then he'd be making a real effort. try to distance yourself amicably and take time to let your heart heal and your head deal with it.
i know it sucks, but it would suck more to be wasting your life waiting on someone who may never be ready (or able) to give you what you need.
By
yet another black guy, at 10:57 AM
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