I sometimes believe that I think or value things in life differently than a lot of people, so I'm going to pose some questions and I want to know how you feel.
1. Should your friend befriend your ex if they did not have a relationship (friendship) prior to your relationship with your ex?
2. Should friends date/mess with another friends ex?
1. Should your friend befriend your ex if they did not have a relationship (friendship) prior to your relationship with your ex?
2. Should friends date/mess with another friends ex?
posted by Jay at
10:40 AM
15 Comments:
I have a friend that kinda befrinded Mark. But they got to know each other during our relationship. It bothers me a lilttle but not to much, i'm just very carfull about what I share with that friend, I always keep it upbeat and positive.
As for dating, a true friend would never do that, but if he did, fine more power to me, it tells me what I need to know. But it would be a bitch to loose a friend and a bf.
By
KennonP, at 3:34 PM
1. Sure, why not. Yes, it's a little awkward, but I see nothing wrong with a strictly platonic relationship.
2. This is a gray area for me. On one hand, a person should feel a sense of loyalty to someone they consider a friend. Messing with a friend's ex definitely clouds that. But on the other hand, if two grown ass people wanna get together, they do not need to justify that to anyone, not even their friends. Besides, people are gonna do what they want anyway.
Just my thoughts.
By
Jersey Brotha, at 6:34 PM
If it was a messy break up or because yr ex did something wrong then I think it would be in poor taste for your friend to befriend or date the person.
If it's something like u're not together but u still holdin a torch and there's no really negative stuff in the mix then you can't fault a friend for befriending the ex but a relationship would be in poor taste on yr friend's part if he knows your feelings (but none of your bizz)
If it was an amicable break up and there's no more attraction and no negative vibe then I don't see a prob with either situation (but at least one of them should check wit u first and u should give yr blessing even if u feel bitter lol).
By
Dwight, at 11:16 PM
i dont see a problem with becoming friends after he 2 of u are no longer dating, because u might gettin into some sticky situations if your merely "jus friendly" before you break up.
I dont see why a friend cant date your ex's, ok there are certain people u make unavailable regardless but as long as i get a head's up or get asked permission its not a major issue for me either,
By
Anonymous, at 7:49 AM
For both questions, I definitely believe there should be a conversation had between friends before anything is established with an ex. Its a matter of respect and loyalty. Now in the event you choose to take the we are two single adults approach and you don't care about any discomfort your new friendship and/or relationship would cause your friend, I would say you would have to re-evaluate your friendship. I mean really, there are enough people in the world where there is little need for continual recycling among so called friends, we don't have to share everything
By
Jay, at 8:57 AM
WELL SAID JAY! Might be a waste of breath for some but WELL SAID!
"The most expensive comodity in America today is IGNORANCE!!!"
~Damnit!
By
bLaQ~n~MiLD, at 9:21 AM
Being friends with a ex isnt a issue of loyalty, but trust. So i have a question for u JAY. Do u trust ur friend to have a friendship with ur ex?
By
Anonymous, at 8:50 PM
LMAO!!! Worms, get back in this can. COME HERE WORMS!! LoL
~Damnit!
By
bLaQ~n~MiLD, at 7:12 AM
Why not, Jay?
By
Jersey Brotha, at 5:28 PM
I'm going to try to fully answer both anonymous' and jb's questions. I'm going to try to choose my words carefully as not to confuse anyone.
As it relates to question one of my post, no I do not trust the MAJORITY of those in my most recent social circle to be friends with my exs. I do not believe what they are seeking is merely a platonic friendship nor has their actions shown that this is what they want. Why do I care? I'm going to explain that more when I get down to part two. Personally speaking, I don't understand the need for this new found friendship if your interaction during our relationship only accord in my presence. So I would have to question why the need for the friendship after my relationship was over and what is the true reason for this friendship (is this a sex thing, gather information thing or simply out of hurt/spite)?
Once again, as it relates to question 2, no I do not trust nor do I think the MAJORITY of those in my most recent social circle are right for most of my exs. I have shared some very personal things with my exs that some close friends don't even know, and even though a romantic relationship did not work with them, our current relationship exceeds most of my friendships. Knowing what I know of my exs and what they want, I don't think the majority of those in my most recent social circle are deserving or worthy of my exs.
The only thing I trust that the majority of those in my most recent social circle want is to bust a nut to try to fulfill a selfish need and/or mask their own emotional pain well causing choas in the life of others. This may seem harsh, come off as shady, however, past and recent events do not disprove my belief so I will live with my opinion.
Disclaimer: this was not done to hurt anyone or put anyone on blast, just being completely honest. If it came off as shady I apologize for being honest.
By
Jay, at 9:32 PM
LMAO@ "most recent social circle"...
The only difference between you and I is that I don't 'qualify' my words baby boy. Allow me to retort, well said...well said.
**This is ~Damnit. President and CEO of SHADE ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTIONS Inc., and I APPROVE this message!**
~Damnit!
By
bLaQ~n~MiLD, at 4:26 AM
Simple answers...
1. Yes, it's possible.
2. Typically, no. But, sure...why not?
By
Darius T. Williams, at 5:12 AM
Yup, your answer was clear to me. Thanks!
By
Jersey Brotha, at 5:01 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
By
Omar Ramon, at 1:42 PM
In short, there are no set rules,it is all situational and communication is key. To expound, if you had anything resembling a healthy or worthwhile relationship, then any and all parties would know that it's a given to, at the very least, give a heads up, if not have a full blown convo, about the pursuit of new relationships of any nature with a friend's ex. anything less is trifling to varying degrees depending on the circumstances.
By
Omar Ramon, at 1:50 PM
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